one year

how much can change.

self-image

strengths

friends

loves

One thing I do miss in college is driving. Not so much for getting around, I love public transit, but as time to think. I did a lot of thinking on the way home tonight. About my Kairos letter, about forgiveness. I'm obsessed with (500) Days of Summer. Partly because I feel so related to it. The first time I saw it, I didn't know if I liked it. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach in the Expectations/Reality scene. Been there, done that. I've already watched three times in two days. Once with the commentary. What I found truly intriguing was the fact that the producers, the writers and the actors themselves couldn't agree as to whether Summer was truly there in their final scene in the park. I'd never even considered that, though it make sense because the relationship as it exists in Tom's mind so permeates the film. My immediate reaction was no, that can't be true. That's not good enough, that's not true closure. But it brings me back to that dream that Gotti and Helen talked with me about what happened and they apologized for it happening the way it did. And I went to school the next day without a qualm in the world and then in Philosophy I turned around to talk to her and I realized that it was all a dream and all the pain came crashing back down. But it had seemed so real. Maya had one just like it the other day about someone she thought she had decided she didn't want in her life and then she dreamed about them. It's so weird how these things can hold such sway over us. How dreams can become reality.

My Kairos letter was interesting. I always hate when they make you write letters to yourself. What can I say that I don't already know? They'll only help if I had amnesia. Anyway it was highly ironic. I wrote all about how Kasey told me the first semester was really lonely and that I should be patient because it took me four years at SF to really figure out how to be friends with everyone. Things couldn't have been more different. Most people I thought I'd worked things out with quickly turned their backs on me, and I could not have had a better first semester at college. I love my roommate, I've made awesome friends, I cannot wait to go back. I really miss them all.

Got lots of new music from Roque. I'm excited to play it all. And I got a last.fm account so that it could analyze my musical tastes more thoroughly because apparently they still don't make sense to some people. Even though I don't listen to Jason Mraz nearly as much as I used to, it was interesting to note that he is still the top played artist in my iTunes. Some habits die hard ;)

i've been lovin' you forever, but i never knew your name....

So you want to be in love like the movies

but in the movies, they're not in love at all...

Still fun to watch though. I've watched about six today because I got my wisdom teeth out this morning. I'm doing okay but I'm TERRIFIED of dry socket. That would happen to me. So I watched Death at a Funeral, When Harry Met Sally, Julie and Julia, G-FORCE(mom's choice, worst movie ever), Dirty Dancing, and bits of Enchanted, Sleepless in Seattle and now I'm watching The Holiday.

I also got to see a lot of previews for movies, which are fairly scarce in college. Lotsa new movies I want to see. Other than that I want to see a lot more of the classics so that will be our Netflix goal next semester, ex. Casablanca, Shawshank redemption, and at least enough of the classics to function like a normal person.


But woo for not feeling like I'm dying right now! Let's get over this quick and onto Winter Break! I already miss my school family though!

Books

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 books from this list. Copy the list into your own note.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen X
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare X (some)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger X
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (READING)
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini X
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez X
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (on my bookshelf waiting for me at home :) )
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon X
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez X
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville X
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

26 and at least 4 of them are on my bookshelf right now just waiting for me! yay for free time!

happy

Megan is happy.

Simple as that. P'u.

So glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore

Sucessfully changed my earrings! These are the really cute heart ones that Chaney got me : D

I'm so close. Just religion test today and I'm free until Tuesday. Fabulous.

I'm really excited for the Honors Party Friday. I just love those kids and there will be cookie decorating and a gift exchange! I'm bringing The Plague by Camus :) Our presentations won't be too bad either because even though we only ended up hosting one Kenna Kitchen, it sounds like our project was not only more involved than most other projects, it is one of the few that stayes true to food sustainability. What some people got away with is so ridiculous. Then Saturday is Saturday market and Christmas shopping with Maya, Linds, Alec and Annie! Annie has lived here her whole life and she's never been to Saturday Market... so I'm way pumped to take her. Then we'll exchange gifts. I'm so excited for everyone to see what they got! Maya will be SO pumped haha.

Then just German and Politics finals to go!

I'm obsessed with this song:

You say your time has come
You're tired of waking up
Don't be obscene, I can't conceive of
Living without you

You say you drag us down
No one should want you now

When I start to cry, you kiss my eyes and say
I'm not allowed to

Burning beacon in the night
Can't feel its heat, or see its light
That single solitary guide, it must get lonely there sometimes

You were a child forgot
Lessons of love untaught
Now no embrace can quite replace
The one that never found you

I was raised tenderly
All that was taught to me
I will apply, your parents tried but they didn't know how to

Burning beacon in the night
Can't feel its heat, or see its light
That single solitary guide, it must get lonely there sometimes

Let me stand by you
The honor is mine
Let me stand by you
Loneliest light, loneliest light, loneliest light

Burning beacon in the night
Can't feel its heat, or see its light
That single solitary guide, it must get lonely there sometimes

I've had this song for a while, weird I haven't found it before.

it's funny though because instead of being from all one point of veiw, to me this sounds like every fight i'd ever had. it's not a monologue, it's a dialog.

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back

Now every fool in town would've left by now
I can't replace all of the wasted days
The memory of your face - I can't help thinkin'

Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me
Here's what I'm thinking

It won't be the first - heart that you'll break
It won't be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world (last beautiful girl)

So Tell me one more time
How you're sorry about the way
This all went down -

you needed to find your space
You needed to still be friends
Ya Needed me to
Call you if I ever couldn't keep it all together you'd comfort me (should have believed)
Tell me bout forever
And the promises I never should have believed
Here's what I'm thinking

It won't be the first - heart that you'll break
It won't be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world (last beautiful girl)

It's over now - and I've gone without
Cuz you're everyone else's girl
It seems to me - you'll always be
Everyone else's girl
Everyone else's girl

This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And all of the words we said
We can't take back

It won't be the first - heart that you'll break
It won't be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl

It won't be the first - heart that you break
It won't be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world (last beautiful girl)

The last beautiful girl in the world (last beautiful girl)
You are the last beautiful girl (last beautiful girl)
Beautiful girl

-Matchbox 20

love

i want to love better.
i don't want to judge.
i want to be close.
i want to be independent but always carry you in my heart.
i don't want the life that they lived.