one year

how much can change.

self-image

strengths

friends

loves

One thing I do miss in college is driving. Not so much for getting around, I love public transit, but as time to think. I did a lot of thinking on the way home tonight. About my Kairos letter, about forgiveness. I'm obsessed with (500) Days of Summer. Partly because I feel so related to it. The first time I saw it, I didn't know if I liked it. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach in the Expectations/Reality scene. Been there, done that. I've already watched three times in two days. Once with the commentary. What I found truly intriguing was the fact that the producers, the writers and the actors themselves couldn't agree as to whether Summer was truly there in their final scene in the park. I'd never even considered that, though it make sense because the relationship as it exists in Tom's mind so permeates the film. My immediate reaction was no, that can't be true. That's not good enough, that's not true closure. But it brings me back to that dream that Gotti and Helen talked with me about what happened and they apologized for it happening the way it did. And I went to school the next day without a qualm in the world and then in Philosophy I turned around to talk to her and I realized that it was all a dream and all the pain came crashing back down. But it had seemed so real. Maya had one just like it the other day about someone she thought she had decided she didn't want in her life and then she dreamed about them. It's so weird how these things can hold such sway over us. How dreams can become reality.

My Kairos letter was interesting. I always hate when they make you write letters to yourself. What can I say that I don't already know? They'll only help if I had amnesia. Anyway it was highly ironic. I wrote all about how Kasey told me the first semester was really lonely and that I should be patient because it took me four years at SF to really figure out how to be friends with everyone. Things couldn't have been more different. Most people I thought I'd worked things out with quickly turned their backs on me, and I could not have had a better first semester at college. I love my roommate, I've made awesome friends, I cannot wait to go back. I really miss them all.

Got lots of new music from Roque. I'm excited to play it all. And I got a last.fm account so that it could analyze my musical tastes more thoroughly because apparently they still don't make sense to some people. Even though I don't listen to Jason Mraz nearly as much as I used to, it was interesting to note that he is still the top played artist in my iTunes. Some habits die hard ;)

i've been lovin' you forever, but i never knew your name....