Lent

Now I'm not Catholic but recently I've seen parts of my life with potential for big self improvement. The beginning of Lent just happened to coincide with the realization that I am hurting myself and the people I love. I put up a good front, but most especially because of certain events that happened last year, I have become increasingly insecure. Being insecure has made me a person I don't want to be, who is unhappy and who does things that she knows she shouldn't to satisfy that craving to know that everything is okay, that she's good enough.

" 'Am I? Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I young enough? Talented enough?' Why? Why do we not have a sense f out own dignity? Worse than that, why can't we give it to each other?What are we so afraid to tell each other how beautiful we are? Do we not have it in ourselves? Does it hurt me so much tot tell you? Can I not see it in you, because I can't see it in myself?"- Cyprian Consiglo

I often have been accused of being too competitive. And you know what? You're right. I'm constantly, even internally comparing myself with others. Recently, I noticed myself doing this and it seemed so ridiculous. Why am I doing this? Who even cares here? Why can't I stop trying to be the smartest person in the room and just be me? I just realized that I think this is why my best friend is my best friend. He's the only person that I'm not afraid to ask questions. Even if he laughs at me and calls me a dope, it's always genial and he never fails to give me a thorough answer.

So this year, for Lent, I have given up being insecure. It was a lot easier at the beginning when I was still callous and focused from recent events, and I've had some relapses but I've tried to be honest about them with others and with myself. I've learned that I'm not one that can forgive but not forget. I'm learning to let go of it all. It's time. I need to learn to love myself so that I can love others for who they are, not what they can give me to make myself whole.

"Reflect back to each other nor our projections, not our needs, not what we wish the world and each other to be, but to reflect back "you are beloved." And that would be power for us to build a world of justice and peace, one heart at a time."- C.C.

p.s. I think I'm going to send in a secret or two to PostSecret tonight as a part of this process.