So free...yet not...

WOW. It still hasn't hit me that school's over. I think it was because Easter break came so early this year that we were all burnt out long ago and so I didn't experience any real closure to the year because I was already dead. I wasn't even looking forward to summer because i knew that finals had to come first. So now it's over and it feels strange.

I can't believe that I'm a senior. Really. When we were little, in grammar school i remember looking at the 8th graders at assembly an thinking about how mature and old they looked. Then i remember thinking about what a senior in high school must look like if this is how massive and mature and 8th grader was. I remember having a sense of abstract awe and wonder at how smart and old that person must be. Now I look at 8th graders and think about how immature they are. And how young.

Another, seemingly paradoxical observation is that as a freshman, I remember thinking the upperclassmen were so much bigger and older than me. I especially recall meeting Sara Mailhot for the first time at volleyball open gym, how mature i thought she was. She told me all about going to design school and editing catalogs for Old Navy. She was so sure of herself. I was in awe. But now when I walk the halls, I don't feel like i look much older than the freshman, or that I'm loads more mature than them. It seems that that feeling worked only one way. It's so incredibly strange.

I'm starting to freak out about college a little more. I really need to go visit places this summer because I'm definitely not going to have time next year. Maybe more on this later...

Anyway, back to summer. It doesnt' feel like summer. Here's why

Megan's Giant To-Do List
-Volleyball trip(I got offered a spot on the NCVA Global Challenge Tour that plays in an international tournament in Croatia this summer. We also visit Germany, Austria(where we train in a Olympic facility with the Austrian Junior National Team) and Italy. Pretty much it would
FUCKING AMAZING. But.... it costs over $4,000 and is in less than a month)
-passport
-sponsorship letters(write, self-addressed envelopes, decide mailing list, get addresses and stamps)
-call the place that double charged me for my mom's Mother's day present
-get/pick between jobs(which is hard since I'm going away in the middle of the summer but parents say)
-college crap(senior profile, letters of recommendation, WHERE AM I GOING?)
-study for SAT IIs
-ecology club pre-school organizing\
-re-master our history video
-tons of little chores that have just backed up because I've been so crazy busy with school.

WHEW. lame. Can't wait to get it all out of the way. Which won't happen next week because I'm a counsel our at volleyball camp and I'm working on my mom's co worker's iPod for money. Well i was going to talk about my new bike but I'll save that for later. I'm waiting for a call back about possible sponsorship.

UPDATE: I got $500 from the Croatian club! Awesome. I'm going to go talk to them in October about my trip. Fun.