Bumbling Mumblings

I don't know what the title is about. I'm really out of it. Mathews would put a big red slash through that and write "NO!!" because it rhymes. Oh Weekly Writing Assignments, I'm so looking forward to those when I get back...Actually I don't mind them when I don't get bad grades and when the feedback is helpful(which it usually always it just sometimes you pay for it with a really shitty grade.)

I spent the first half of break doing college apps. Roque had to take my Facebook away so that I could get Stanford done. Now I'm all done except I might apply to Puget Sound on the fifteenth but all that will require is a little essay. Now I'm on to scholarship apps and essays, so it's not really that much of a relief to be done. I'm surprised i got as much of my to-do list done over break, I was sure I wasn't when New Years rolled around and all I'd accomplished was my college apps. I still have a bunch of Project Backpack stuff to do and all my English homework but I think I can get it done.

I can't believe I'm a second semester senior. It's so surreal. I wouldn't say that the first semester went by slow, it just went by naturally. It was a ton of fun because my class is so close now, and exciting because of college and graduation that was blissfully impending but far enough away to not be a pressing issue, just something to look forward to. Now it seems as if there's no time left even though it's really six months. It feels strange. Before this, life has been so planned, so certain. You progress from grade to grade for twelve years and then you graduate... and all structure is gone. You don't have to go to college. It weirds me out that people don't. What do you do besides go to college? And then after college... it's so empty. It's like a timeline that's loped off. It kinda freaks me out. Suddenly the world isn't so secure anymore.

But I really do need to get out of here. I'm so excited but I still have no idea where I want to go.

I stumbledupon this. StumbleUpon is great. This is very much like what happened to me and my view on life without the panic attacks and depression. Same telos, different scopos.




I've always found a correlation in my life between lawlessness and faith. The people that I know that are most free and often engage in things discouraged by religion are often those who most adamantly profess their faith. This hypocritical nature is one of the things that turned me off to religion and really highlighted the use of religion as a crutch. Those people engage in that type of behavior because they magnify their limited, sound-byte ideas of faith and manipulate it to their will. They say they will be forgiven. Really its just a cop out for self control because they show no regret nor any inclination to halt the damaging behavior.

College Essay

After nine years of volunteering at the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen, I thought that I had become desensitized to the unusual people and heartbreaking situations I saw every week. One Monday evening in winter of the seventh grade, I discovered that no one can be desensitized to human need. As I spooned peas onto the empty plates, I didn't realize that the next girl to hold out her plate would change my life perspective. In the tattered, hand-me-down 49ers jacket was Leah, the pretty, popular girl who I had admired, even envied at outdoor school the previous summer. Poverty and need does not discriminate nor does it know any bounds. As our eyes met, my mind flooded with two realizations: that need is everywhere and that I could do more.

The world I come from has directly shaped my dreams and aspirations for my life and for what I can do for the future of our nation. My community is a dichotomy of socioeconomic standards that has opened my eyes to inequality and injustice.

Fortunately, being raised in a devout Catholic family and parish ingrained in me the need for action and the realization that I not only can make a difference, but that doing so is my duty. As I became a young adult, my high school, in its fourth year of its infancy, gave me the freedom and a platform to personally establish ways to confront these incredible needs aggressively. I have developed grass roots programs that have impacted hundreds of people in need in my community. I aspire to expand my knowledge of the depth of the issues in the global community and develop ways to impact many more people throughout the world.

Growing up in the agricultural Pajaro Valley of Northern California, I have long experienced the dichotomy of very affluent and very low-income families living and working side by side. In this stark contrast of the "haves and the have-nots," I have been made very aware of existing injustices in this microcosm of our nation's socioeconomic condition. Poverty, illegal immigration, gangs and domestic violence are commonplace issues for many of my neighbors, while in their midst the wealthy speed past in their shiny, gas-guzzling vehicles, averting their attention from the dismay around them by gabbing incessantly into their Bluetooth headsets.

Fortunately, my upbringing in a supportive Catholic family has helped me to discover the impact that serving others can have. Although those Monday nights at the Salvation Army were originally compulsory, as I have matured it is something I choose to perpetuate. My parents are very active in the community and the effects of their work continually amaze me. I am constantly assured that honest, caring and hard work will yield the change that I seek. Through much theological study and spiritual reflection, I have not chosen to be confirmed as a Catholic. But this framework provided by my traditional family coupled with much philosophic self-investigation has revealed to me my passion for positive change.

Attending a small, new school has presented its difficulties, but most importantly it has constantly challenged me. The lack of established programs in athletics and traditions within the student body has discouraged many students and lead to many choosing to withdraw from participating fully in campus life. I have always felt like this "blank slate" environment has instead given me the opportunity to test my creativity and push my limits to take initiative. In four years in the Ecology Club, most recently as president, I have worked to start and expand programs to work towards a greener campus and community. Most important to me has been my hand in outreach to the wider community through programs like the Youth Ministry Core Team and my own original organization, Project Backpack that collected backpacks, coats and a plethora of personal hygiene items from the local parishes and Catholic schools. This success has motivated me to further my knowledge of issues of justice and working to implement progressive works even if the framework does not currently exist for my aspirations to create a sustainable world with peace based on justice.

Wednesday is Hump Day

...because it's the "hump of the week". Funny conversation in art. But not for me! Seniors get tomorrow off! Yay! Except not because I'm running the freshman retreat from 7:30-12:30 and then volleyball from 1-4ish. Then the double amount of homework that they gave me precisely because we don't have school tomorrow.

Anyway, lately there have been a lot of rumors about engagements at school. And really, I'm just not down with teenage engagement. I think marriage should typically wait a while. I mean sometimes, yes, you're going to fall crazy in love with the person you want to be with when you're young. But three teenage engagements in a a school of 250? Seriously? I wrote a previous post on how marriage as an institution is being degenerated by culture and this is a prime example. Through popular culture some people have come to believe that 1) marriage at a young age isn't so abnormal(Underage & Engaged) and 2) that if it doesn't work out you can get divorced. Marriage is a lot of hard work. It usually entails supporting yourselves and possibly a family. I don't think people really get that. It bugs me. Yeah, you feel strongly, but I for one have changed A LOT in four years. How do I know I won't change so much in the next four, especially considering I'm going to a new place with new people and a whole new experience in college? I think by waiting you set yourself up for a better shot. If you can have the self control to wait, and take the time to really figure out if this is the right decision for you, I think you've got a much better shot.

An high school is just immature. I'm definitely ready to get out in the world where I can be with people with goals and drive. The apathetic, victimized nature of the students at our school makes me extremely angry. The eco club went to the effort of putting out mini- compost bins for the lazy asses who won't walk to the compost bin, and then I find one in the trash and one is missing even after I spent an entire lunch period looking in trash ans and recycle bins for it. And some kid threw away a bunch of paper right in front on my face while I was taking some recyclables out of the trash. ARE YOU BLIND? Goddammit, I can't wait to get out of here.

Oh and I got a FictionPress account but a lot of the stuff is pretty personal so if you'd really like it you could ask but I don't know that I'm ready for people to see it yet.

It's Sunday night AGAIN

and, per usual, I should be sleeping to get ride or this pesky cold, or RESEARCHING COLLEGES or studying or something of the like. But I just had to report on this most excellent highlight of my week.

This week in AP English we got a fatty binder on the AP Test. We also looked at some essays and focused on grading them. Matthew's favorite response as a reader was "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on." But this tops all answers by far. I want to meet this kid.(This is an essay on the poem "An Author to her Book by Anne Bradstreet).

"Her bastard child, born of sin and poverty, born imperfect and made yet imperfecter by the editing hand. A fitful child that grows up beyond the will of his mother-the very reason why God intends one day to destroy the earth.
Unbelievable, this poem is so full of the pain of creation, it makes me want to cut of my hands and get a vasectomy. But, it is so full of a guised(carefully suppressed) pride, that it makes me glad I haven't and shan't.
Let us begin the dissection...."


I'll put the rest of later. But that kid is seriously awesome.

I took about five colleges off my list this week only to add about ten. How counter productive. DREADING Pat Moore on Wednesday.

I'm obsessed with Dawn Mitschele. And "Golden Train" is a great song, Jess. Gracias!

It's Sunday night...

And I should be doing a bazillion other things. But blogging was on my to do list too and that's what I'm in the mood for, though it will not be quite the joyful blog I envisioned.

I WAS really excited for a project that came up for core team. The Salesian Leadership has adult conferences and at their latest one, they decided to promote dialogue and fraternity between Salesian schools. So for the first time ever, there will be a Salesian Youth Summit. The pretty cool thing is that it will be the first ever event in Northern California because Richmond and us always end up going down to LA. So part of it will be on our campus. Which is pretty cool in my opinion because I love our campus and this is a pretty big event. The sucky thing is that it's on Valentine's Day :/

Back to why it's awesome. So the Salesian communities are going to get together and present on social justices issue, specifically one that affect their area. For us that mean immigration and migrant workers. I knew immediately I wanted in. This is not your typical presentation. This is for youth, by youth. I really want to make a cool documentary and really be able to understand more fully what I drive by every single morning and to show that to other people. I feel that this is one of my first chances to really affect change. If we do a good job, this could bet bigger than the Youth Summit.

Another reason I got really excited was that this fit perfectly into my service project plans for this year. Last year Project Backpack went fairly well, and this year I want it to do even better. I feel that this year we can better target the needs of the people we're serving and elicit a more wide-spread response. However, the person that I was counting on for both an inside look into migrant life and for information on how to better meet their need is Brooke Johnson of Loaves and Fishes. She's super nice, I believe she went to Notre Dame, was in the Peace Core, and it young and relatable. She was just an awesome person. She provided us with specific and useful information last year for Project Backpack and was extremely grateful for the work we put in.

Too bad I found out this morning that she's leaving Loaves and Fishes in October. :( Project Backpack was going to be in December and The Youth Summit is in February. There go my awesome connections...

I've just got to figure out some other ways, I guess. I think I can handle it. It just put a bit of a damper on my excitement because we're kind of back to where we started last year, having to forge contacts all over again.

Anyway, tonight I was looking for quotes for the year book and I started with Jason Mraz. Duh. He is so fucking amazing.

the comfort of your strangeness

those are awesome.

if you don't have time to look here are a few of the highlights:

"I'm a vital organism, an accident put into motion to serve a purpose, to choose my own direction, to fulfill my own fantasies, my own dreams, to remember my own accomplishments, all in which will determine who I am."

"Eleanor Roosevelt said,
"Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people."
I want to have a great mind. But here I am discussing Eleanor Roosevelt already. "

Because he is so fscking awesome, he's mentioned several people or things I already love, love love(and then I'm just like ;aksjhdf;ashdfha NO WAY! and then I feel that physic vibe Marhieneke was talking about. I think Mr. A-Z and I have that for sure): Sufjan Stevens, Dawn Mitschele(who I found indirectly because of him through Bushwalla but it felt crazy amazing until I figured that out because she's not that well known.), Ingrid Michaelson, Regina Spektor, SIGG water bottles(!!!!! extra kismet on this one), and Brett Dennen.

It kind of makes my life that he can read my mind.

Ohhh and we ripped out my hideous bathroom floor today. I got a blister but it was so satifying that it was worth it.

Well now I haven't done any homework this weekend and it's already past my bed time. Whoopsies. I hope I didn't have anything...

I'll finish with this:


i wish we were falling nose to nose.

Videos

These are some of my favorite memories from school. As you can tell, I wasn't really meant for acting, I'm pretty much a freak but that's part of why they're funny. I make up for it on the technical side though I hope.

Ripple

ripple

The surface is silent.
All seems still.
Beneath the glassy surface, unknowns undulate and slide through the unclear waters.
A breath, one whispered word,
Like a blow to the stomach.

The façade has been broken.
Waves and ripples jostle for position, over countless emotions
shock
fear
relief
pain
love
Crashing, rolling, colliding, and subsiding.

Now all is still.
But the glimpse of the unknown remains.
Nothing can return.
The change is imminent, disastrous, beautiful.
The transformation is continual,
But this one word, this one breath,
It remains.

The ripple will always be felt.