bittersweet symphony

"you have too a big heart" he said.
"i put my heart above my head.
and when it breaks it breaks in two" she said,
it's hard to find some glue or thread."



cheeks brush, tears mingle
staining their faces,
filling their mouths
with salty memories of lovers' licks
his fingers tracing down her back
loop high, swing low
over and over,
lo..lo....

"i don't think you're quite done my dear"
he pulls her tight, crushing her breath
in a flash---
his lips skim the inner folds of her ear
sending hot cold waves of electric gooseflesh
right down to her toes.

the words left unspoken
those three dangerous, sacred words
her breath catches another beat
and she lets out the ancient sob
of a heart torn asunder
when it bursts the limits of love.

joy and grief come tumbling down
like two young rams wrestling
in the dappled, downy dusk

a diaphanous dichotomy
suspension of suspicion and
revelation of her religion
two hearts, four parts


one year.

gleich um die Ecke

It finally hit me. Staring at my calendar. Two weeks left. I love these people too much. This sucks.

this fire is burnin', burnin' us UP

tonight reminded me of just what I love about UP and why I came here.

I started off the evening with a lovely dinner with lovely people. My friends here make me so happy. It's really nice to have the maneuverability here to really choose your friends and not hang out with people who don't really fit with you. I feel like that was one of the few drawbacks of my high school career. A lot of my drama wouldn't have happened if I could have moved on to different friends when things were obviously not jiving anymore.
"
Then I went to the Schoenfeldt Lecture series to see Pico Iyer. "A regular essayist for Time since 1986, he writes on literature for The New York Review of Books; on globalism for Harper's; on travel for the Financial Times; and on many other themes for the New York Times, National Geographic, TLS and many other publications." The most interesting part about him is that he is an Indian born in England and raised transcontinentally between England and the United States. There are very few places he hasn't traveled; most recently, he spent several years with the Dali Lama. No big. He spends half of his year traveling frantically around the globe and the other half in a monastery either off Highway 1 on the coast of California :) or in Japan. "I like to think of it like breathing", absorbing information, then processing it. He believes our lives are about the balance of motion and stillness. The motion is worth only as much as it can be comprehended and made sense of in the stillness, and the stillness is only as valuable as the motion that it processes.

His speech was structured in a very peculiar manner. He announced that he was going to have four reading of different pieces that he'd written. This sounds incredibly boring, especially because the readings were so disparate. One was a description of his addiction to being a frequent flier, one from his fictional piece about tensions from Islam and the West from the point of view of a Sufi mystic, one on his time with the Dali Lama, and one on the fires of Southern California. And yet he wove them together so seamlessly and conversationally, you would find yourself surprised that he'd arrived at the next reading because we were still in discussion of the previous ideas, but the reading dovetailed so perfectly with the previous discussion. It was wonderful.

He had a refreshingly positive outlook on globalization. Being somewhat of a global mutt himself, his pension for travel has only fueled his positive perspective that we have much to learn from each other. "One of the most moving things in all of my time with the Dali Lama was his first thoughts upon arrival in Darmsahala from the treacherous journey from exile in Tibet. He was grateful for the opportunities this afforded him and his people; for the ancient culture of Tibet, especially the women, to receive education and other modern advantages, and also to share with the world their ancient wisdom." He described having this same feeling after his parents house and several almost finished book were burned to the ground in the Santa Barbara fires. Burning his almost completed manuscript on Cuba and, more importantly,all his notes, he was afforded the opportunity to try out fiction writing that he had hitherto been too afraid to try. Even tribal cultures, he believes, must integrate with the modern world, but they should try engage in a process of sharing rather than a stage of resistance or grief because all of us are losing our "homeland". Where is that? Where your ancestors came from? Where you live? Where you were born? It was quite refreshing to hear someone, especially someone of an older generation face the problems and thrills of globalization so honestly, someone willing to grapple with the complexities of cross-cultural communication with first-hand experience.

Then we had a Border Plunge meeting and those people empower me and just make me very happy in general. I'm so grateful I got that opportunity and that experience defines a lot of what this school means to me. Here's the video with members of my group. I couldn't go in at the times they were filming, and honestly, I was still processing but I feel like they did an amazing job of describing the trip.

schönes Wochenende

Ahhhh. The beauty of weekends.

Friday, Wyatt and I finally got off campus and went to a really lovely dinner at PF Changs. We ate a ridiculous amount and then we went for a walk downtown. We wandered into Powell's(more like I dragged him, but he liked it) and after a good while just wandering, I shared with him my love for the German section. We read Die Große Panda and The Rainbowfish in German and it was all fun and games until I showed him the "Dirty German" book. We spent a good forty-five minutes reading all the dirty bad words like penispirat, spermalanza, and gummi. Meinen albern Fuzzi :) Then we played Wii till 2 AM and I crashed hard.

Saturdayf Amelia tricked me into going to Saturday market. We picked out this super awesome Tibetan wall hanging of the tree of life for our year next year. Then she had to go creep on people in a coffeehouse for sociology for a few hours so I decided I was going to try to find the Northface by PF Chang's the night before. I got WONDERFULLY and COMPLETELY lost in Portland. I love the public transportation here. I find something new every time. I found some really awesome courthouse buildings and FROYO! So finally I found it after two hours. They didn't really have the backpacks I was looking at online so I think I'll wait until I get home to get one (or two, as I'm now realizing I might need a travel one and a regular one!). Then I met back up with Amelia and got my haircut and we made it back to school in time for Guam night! It was delicious. By this time I was quite tired so I settled down for the night with our wing party decorating Easter eggs and making calzones. Sheridan had never painted an Easter egg before in her life! Then we watched 101 Dalmatians :) I'm going on another Disney streak again.


Sunday morning I got lots of sleeping accomplished. When I finally tried to do some homework, it turns out that with the new syllabus, I'd already completed the marketing homework for this week. Therefore, without the typical 5 to 6 hours of marketing homework, I was able to execute my Easter plans.

I made all my friends Easter baskets and, drumroll please, used Annie's coco crispies to make it look like bunny poop! Hehe, I was so excited all week. Amelia was the only one who caught me so I had to put on the Bunny Ears and hop away. Wyatt ruined the surprise so he got this:


I'm going to his house for Easter and I'm excited/nervous but I really loved his family so it should be awesome! This week can't be over soon enough! Only have to make it through Thursday morning!

Boys and girls watch each other eat, when really they just wanna watch each other sleep

Today was stressful. All of my friends are have mid-semester mid-life crises all at once and it's hard to handle. I'm a helper and there's not much I can do for any of them this time. It's super frustrating and bringing me down.

On the bright side, I went to the library to get away from it all and I was super productive.





And that troublemaker helps. He said best. He's not dependent on me and I think that's one of the reasons I'm so attracted to him. But that has its own crisis, doesn't it.

I'm not ready for summer. I want time.

Come on baby, compliment me

i love i love i love
how we are exactly the same in all the right ways
but that we can also be so different
i like to share, you prefer to listen
your left hand in my right


Put your hands to my hands
Put your knees to my knees
Put your eyes to my eyes
Come on baby compliment me

Cause I don’t think that we
Should ever feel the need to worry
Ever get ourselves in a hurry
You know I love you
I know you love me

So time will go
And we may be
Far apart I know
But as far as I can see
This is so good
There’s no need for change
It’s alright with me
It’s as simple as it should be
Simple as it should be

And this love will build
Through flights and streets
In the end I predict
You’ll get the very best of me

So put your lips to my lips
Why not go on and take all of it
And just run as fast as you can
Just cause you can

Cause time will go
And we may be
Far apart I know
But as far as I can see
This is so good
There’s no need for change
It’s alright with me
It’s as simple as it should be
Simple as it should be

I am almost 23
Confused with all the lines in between
They are dying to be read
Softly spoken simply said

Tell me do you believe
In the girl that is me
With her feet to your feet
Well that’s all that I need

Cause time will go
And we may be
Far apart I know
But as far as I can see
This is so good
There’s no need for change
It’s alright with me
It’s as simple as it should be
Simple as it should be

come and open up your folding chair next to me

"all i have to say to you is that the red fern grows in raspberry fields left of your vagina, or if you prefer, west of your third nipple."

poetry. hahhahaha.

i love the insanity. i love how anything goes. nothing is too ridiculous or too silly.



woooo. found out that The Hill is going to be published in the Writer's Magazine. I'm so not ready for school and our pre-frosh and Salzburg meeting tomorrow.

good thing I've got you babe.