comfortable

I've never been this comfortable before.

I'm so relaxed all the time, it's nice. No gimmicks, no hidden tensions, no doubts. Just fun.




Dance this weekend! I still need a dress! Hopefully the trip to Hawthorne with Mia works out and then I can get something for the Great Gatsby party as well! Hooray!

Letter From A Birmingham Jail

"Such an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time, from the strangely irrational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills. Actually, time itself is neutral; it can be used either destructively or constructively. More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co workers with God, and without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right. "
-MLK

All over now.

"its not my job to care.
where did you serve?
who did you feed?
who slept better that night?
and did you stop human trafficking?
who did you release from slavery?"


Never more. I discovered this weekend how much I'd been missing out on. Just how unhealthy my life used to be. Ironic that both worlds collided in the single weekend, but it's just making my new experiences strong in relief. It's unreal. But so amazing.

Addicted

"you should be wilder; you're no fun at all. yeah thanks for the input, thanks for the call.."

"it's this thing now, it's drivin' me wild. i gotta see what's up before it gets me down. love's not a mystery, it's everything."

"we tour this world like we were on a bus, but i can't help but wonder who'll back down first, the world or us...she's harder to read with each page of the book."


So excited for Avatar with Aiden, Annie and Wyatt tonight.

Live my life

Today, I will not babysit the immature. Today, I will not be pulled down by my past. Today, I will not be a slave to irony and doubt. Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday. But today, I will live for what's good for me. And what's good for me is right here, right now.

the touch of you lips is a shock not a kiss, it's electric twist

I forgot how this feels.

I forgot how scary it is. But how exhilarating.


BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. So much going on. College is constant change. I love it.

EEEEEEEEEEEK!

WOW! This semester has already got me running around non-stop! I've barely had time to breathe! Not only was I figuring out all my classes but my Border Plunge and Study Abroad stuff. So it turns out that Fr. Art didn't get the original email I sent on Christmas so he filled London Spring. So I put down my deposit for Salzburg. Not ideal considering recent events but everyone I've talked has not a single bad thing to say. As Eleanor put it, "It's not the people in Salzburg who are missing out on their sophomore year at UP, it's us who are missing out on the Salzburg year. I look at the stuff they're doing and I just want to cry." So that will be awesome.

I haven't even had time to put my binders together and I'm usually WAY anal about that. Marketing is going well. The teacher is a self-proclaimed jerk who only gives one A a semester. He reminds me of Mathews in that he's very brisk and blunt and will shoot you down mercilessly if you're wrong. So that already had me WAY fired up after the first class because I like a challenge. And I apparently respond well to that kind of teaching.

This weekend Maya and I drove 9 hours each way up to Schweitzer with Lindsey so she could work and not have to drive alone. It was a lot of fun. I've always loved road trips and we got to sled and hot tub and have some good talks that thankfully prepared me for the drama of yesterday.

Yesterday was very interesting. I'm glad that it went down the way it did. He really gets me. I just hope this all works out and the drama stays to a minimum. It's really hard to make myself hold back and remember that it's definitely not as straightforward as it feels. But for now, it feels good. Things haven't felt this good in a long time. I'm so excited :)

Whooooo. First day of the semester.

I survived my 8:10. I can't really get a read on my teacher just from that class period. But she said sometimes she'd bring doughnuts and I got a seat next to Molly in my favorite classroom. It's the small things that get you through life haha.

I feel so accomplished. As of 9:38 AM, I have already attended one class, gone to breakfast, set up an appointment to settle my study abroad business, filled out and turned in my paperwork to get my iPod online, taken out the trash and made my bed. Pretty good considering I haven't even been conscious for another three hours for the past three weeks. If I get the rest of my books today, I'll be golden!

daydreamer

Daydreamer, sittin' on the seat
Soaking up the sun he is a
Real lover, makin' up the past and feeling up his girl like he's never felt her figure before
Jaw dropper
Looks good when he when he walks, he is the subject of their talk
He would be hard to chase, but good to catch and he could change the world with his hands behind his back, oh
You can find him sittin' on your doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he's been there for hours
And you can tell that he'll be there for life

Daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter because he's there for you when he shouldn't be
But he stays all the same, waits for you and then sees you through
There's no way I could describe him
All I say is, just what I'm hoping for

But I will find him sittin' on my doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he's been there for hours
And I can tell he'll be there for life
And I can tell he'll be there for life

new.

our three AM talks
you know me better than most.
why 'big brother', wy?

oh irony
no originality
poems and lovers

white lines on your mind.

white lines on your mind
keep it steady
you were never ready
for the lies...

you don't have no doctor robert,
you don't have no uncle albert;
you don't even have good credit
you can write but you can't edit.

I will not be that girl.
I will not be that girl.

Today was fun. Talked to Mathews class. Michael Young is going to UP :) And got to hang out with Kase and Sandra so that was really fun! I hate packing. I had a bad dream that I hadn't packed last night. Haha, I don't know why it freaks me out so much...

IIIIIIICCCCCCCKKK

I think I'm allergic to home. I puked three times yesterday. I couldn't even keep down water and Tums. Definitely not the flu but I don't now how it could be food poisoning because I just threw up water and I ate all the same things as my mom. Now I still feel like crap. Boo.

I'm obsessed.

With 500 Days of Summer, as I've mentioned. Also with Zooey. Tried to watch Gigantic. There's a reason Dwayne didn't talk much in Little Miss Sunshine. Not so swell. We're in the Middle of The Go-Getter right now.

I got a haircut today. It's way short. But I can pull off Zooey now, lol.







Basically, not only is she gorgeous. I want to wear every single outfit she's worn, ever. Hey, maybe we are twins.




Now I just need contacts ;) Just kidding, I'm a brown eyed girl.

I can't stop listening to this song. And I want that dress. And that cardigan. And those dance moves. And that boy. Damn you.



I'm stoked because on the website they have a list of all the playlists Tom made for summer (Spearmint, etc.) so the loveliness of the soundtrack will be expanded. Enid and I are going to have a music/summer/viewing party :) Yay school! Going to Powell's with Aiden and my new giftcard Sunday! Saturday needs to come faster and this mundane stuff needs to do itself. Like the otter ;)

My shoulder is super sore from the Wii. My goal is to reach pro at the end of this week in tennis. Back and shoulders were already killer today, I don't know why, so it probably wasn't a good idea to play so much but it's the closest to volleyball I'm getting these days.

penis.

Bleh

I miss my family. I want to go home. Portland is home now, for sure.

This week I'll get to see Denise and Sarah and hopefully some other people. I'll go to Mathews class and talk about college. I remember at the beginning of the semester when Keenan's cousin came to visit, I had so much to say. Now college has just become so normal I don't really know how to define it.

Other than that, I'll just do a bunch of chore-like stuff like shopping and filling out my leadership applications for next year.

Soooooo homesick. Hurry up!

2009 set to music

I picked some songs for each month of this past year:
January- Love, Save the Empty- Erin McCarley, Foundations-Kate Nash

February- The Way I Loved You-Taylor Swift, Last Beautiful Girl- Matchbox Twenty

March- Campus-Vampire Weekend, San Francisco-Brett Dennen

April- All Used Up-Eric Hutchinson, Wrong About Me-Brett Dennen, Bruised-Ben Folds, Tired-Adele

May- Fuck You-Lily Allen, He Wasn't There-Lily Allen, The Chain-Ingrid Michaelson

June- All Over Now- Eric Hutchinson, Merry Happy/Little Red-Kate Nash

July-Pumpkin Soup-Kate Nash, It Ain't Me Babe-Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon, Chinese-Lily Allen

August- Hotel Song-Regina Spektor, Apologize-OneRepublic, I'm in Miami Bitch-LMFAO

September- Decatur, or a Round of Applause for Your Stepmother-Sufjan Stevens, I Got A Feeling- Black Eyed Peas

October- Us-Regina Spektor, Skeleton Soup-Kate Nash

November- La La Lie- Jack's Mannequin, The Ballad of Love and Hate- The Avett Brothers

December- Red Right Ankle- Decemberists, The Beacon- A Fine Frenzy, What I Wouldn't Do- A Fine Frenzy

Rough year, but all's well that ends well. Here's to 2010 :)